Memories of days gone by (Raven and Konig)

Konig had orginally been going into Raven's office to find some memories related to her children, the two who had literally just shown up. But as he'd walked in the niggling doubt had hit him full force again. Did Raven love Briony more than him? He just had to know. So as he moved over to the memories that Raven had collected he started looking for ones related to Briony and Raven. He found them in a small silver box. Already he couldn't help but feel a sudden sense of hopelessness.

He'd found the memories she'd taken with him. One, from when they went British hunting. He had a spell that transferred the memory directly to the brain while still leaving it in the vial. Taking the combined vial of all of Raven and Briony's time together he cast the spell and the wave of memories hit him full force.

The first memory was what he had expected of Raven, it was a memory of a kill. But halfway through the kill she met Briony for the first time. It was hard for him to watch because it was so obviously love at first sight and he knew that Raven had never felt that way for him. He'd had to work to get into her good graces and it had taken years. To see her fall in love with someone else almost from the first glance was like a shot to the stomach to him. He moved to the next memory.

The next memory was of what appeared to be a first date between the two. It was a beautiful picnic beside a lake that he'd been briefed on for the war. Some lake in Britain, a pretty lake to be sure, but still a British lake. But once again he was struck by the chemistry between the two of them as they sat there eating their picnic and talking. Through their shared experiences it was obvious that they had a deeper understanding of each other than he would ever have with Raven. Not to mention she was far more open and far more responsive to Briony than she was to him, excluding after life and death situations when she seemed more inclined to be sensative with him.

When the next memory started Konig felt the tears building up as the next memory unfolded. It was their first time together and it was so tender and loving that it made his eyes sting with the tears. Raven looked so beautiful, so happy and so content. It was clear that their first time was the union of two people who loved each other. His own first time with Raven had been nothing like this. He had already loved her at that point but she hadn't loved him at that point he didn't think.

Moving along quickly, Konig quickly began to wish that he hadn't. That he would just forget the memories even as they played out in his head. They were confessing their love to each other and he knew that it was sincere and whole-hearted. He could have told anyone that they loved each other from the first few memories though, it was a foregone conclusion that they loved each other deeply. Feeling some tears drop as the memory played out he moved to the next one.

It was odd but this one didn't seem to be related to Briony at all at first. Raven was playing around with necromancy for the first time, working on a project on how to make people live forever... and just like that he knew why this was related to Briony. Raven had delved into necromancy, losing her sanity even as the memory played out, because she wanted to live forever with Briony. Then there was the razor, with the loving engraving.

“If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day so I never have to live without you.”

All for Briony. Konig couldn't help but realise that Raven meant to give Briony that razor as a sign of her love, while he wasn't even able to touch any of her razors without threats of death. It hurt him deeply to know that she loved and trusted Briony that much and seemingly cared less about him from that interaction.

When the next memory started he could see that Raven was beginning to lose her grip on her mind. She moved to, what he assumed was Briony's house, with the engraved razor and the research. But Briony wasn't there. Konig blinked a few times as Raven crumpled at the realisation that Briony wasn't home. God, it meant so much to her. Briony meant so much to her. He couldn't imagine meaning that much to Raven. She said that she loved him but through these memories he'd seen what Raven looked like when she was in love and she'd never looked like that with him apart from that one time after their argument at the arena.

He pulled out of the memories, crying silently, and placed the vial back into it's polished silver box. And he placed the box where it had been before, in pride of place in the middle of her favourite bookshelf. He went to leave the room but realised that he didn't have the strength to leave. Making it to her chair behind the desk he slumped into it and fell forwards, his head in his hands. He cried into his hands uncontrollably.

Oh it was so obvious that she loved Briony! Oh so obvious!

And with that thought he couldn't help but fall into dispair. How was he supposed to complete with, what appeared to be, true love? How could he make her love him like he loved her? It didn't seem possible. After all, Briony didn't do anything and Raven loved her strongly enough to give up her sanity just for the possibility of being with her forever. Briony got Raven's adoration, love, affection, care, attention, devotion, everything that a lover could give. And she still loved her. If Briony got all of that... what did that leave him?

Konig couldn't help but wrap his arms around himself as he sobbed quietly at the desk. It left him loving a woman who had given her heart, her whole self to someone else, it left him as alone as he had been before he had realised he loved Raven. It left him so alone... and oh so cold.

Raven felt a warning go off, a ward that she had never thought would be broken and she stood up form her potions desk immediately, she had been becoming more and more pent up with the idea of Briony having a family with someone else, of course she knew that there was nothing to be done, that she hadn't told her what she had done for her, and as a result of this, she had lost her in the end.

While she was in her office, the one she used most, Raven had managed to find something, that had been lost for a long long time, and it made her heart burn a little bit to look at it, but she couldn't help but think that it would be something that would mean a lot to Konig.

Now however she had more pressing matters to attend to, the student who had probably broken into her office were about to loose a few fingers for stealing away some of her most precious memories. Storming along the halls, she opened the door to her other office with a loud slam, and immediately her heart seized up, she blinked when she saw who it was.

It was Konig.
He was crying.

Blinking again, Raven walked slowly over to the man who looked as if he was having a break down on his desk, and placed two and two together, gently she placed a hand on his shoulder and looked into his eyes with a small wry smile on her lips;

"Konig, there's a reason those memories were kept away from you. I knew they would hurt you so." she smiled gently.

Konig knew, just by the way that the door slammed open, that it was Raven who had entered the room. But he couldn't move, not even to look up. All he could do was stare at the wood of the desk as it became damp with his tears. His body lacked the energy to do anything, any sort of movement at all. It was as if someone had sucked all of the life and all of the will out of him.

When she placed a hand on his shoulder Konig couldn't help but stiffen slightly at the contact before relazing slightly. Sniffing, he tried to bring himself under control, tears still sliding down his face but not in the floods they had come in before. He managed to move his head to look up at Raven, his eyes dull and tear-filled,

"It does hurt." he agreed quietly, "It hurts to know... It hurts to know that the woman I love has given her heart to someone else. And that... that hurts more than anything else in the world Raven."

He looked down at the damp desk again. His magic had been leaking out slightly in his distress, the tears on the desk were now frozen droplets. The tears staining his cheeks were beginning to freeze as well,

"It feels... cold Raven. I feel cold..." he closed his eyes tightly, "I thought I was strong enough to know... to know even if you loved someone else. But... but I'm not... it just hurts so badly..."

Raven hated to see Konig so upset, and it was something that made her brain start to hurt, there were so many emotions whirling around and she didn't want to think about them, the feeling of love that she thought that she still felt for Briony, and the feeling of love that she knew she felt for Konig. Frowning a little, Raven stepped to stand in front of her desk and felt her eyes slowly pool with black.

The dull taint to Konig's eyes, made her heart hurt even more, and she traced the area that had been stabbed by her own razor just a few months before, the time at the arena, had been one of the best that she had in her life, despite the blood...and the pain.

"How can you think that?" she asked "I told you I love you, so I love you." Raven said plainly.

When he said that it hurt, Raven knew that it did, she had felt that feeling, she had been there before, and she was in that place now, it was what had begun to twist and tear at her already fragile mind until she couldn't bare it any more.

Tapping her finger on the table, Raven wore the same silver finger cover, with the pointed nail, that she had worn when she first met Konig, and she smiled lightly at the memory, she had always had a fondness for Konig since they had met.

"There are things to do with her that you do not understand, but, you have seen the memories, do you not believe I would do all of that again for you?" she asked, her eyes flashing dangerously "Do you believe that I would lie when I tell you I love you? Or that I'm stupid enough not to know what love is?"

Konig knew, deep inside of him, that Raven hadn't lied when she'd told him that she loved him. It was something he'd picked up when studying all types of human emotions. He had watched Raven very carefully each time she'd said it and it had not once been a lie. But it still hurt, there was still an element of doubt over which love was stronger, her love for him or her love for Briony. He nodded at her words and wiped at the frozen tears, tearings some skin off with each one but not caring as it just stung and didn't bleed,

"Call it insecurity." he told her quietly, before glancing at her, "After seeing how much you loved Briony... it's hard to believe that love could die. I know you've told me you love me but I guess I had a stupid doubt that you love Briony more... I don't know."

Blinking furiously in an attempt to get rid of the tears, Konig couldn't help but notice the finger covering. It stopped his tears for a few seconds. It was the covering she'd worn the day that he'd first met her so long ago. Konig looked up into Raven's eyes as she spoke to him. He didn't even blink when her eyes flashed dangerously. Raven often got angry at him after all,

"I know you didn't lie and I know you know what love is." he told her calmly, quietly and with a weak, strained, voice, "I'm just worried... afraid... that your love for Briony is stronger than your love for me..."

When Konig told her why he was so upset about what he had seen, Raven shook her head and opened the box, taking out the vial and looking at it with a small sad expression on her lips, unable to think of anything else while holding it, Raven took out the razor she was going to give Briony, and held it in her hand for a moment, it had been her favourite...

Deciding that it was best not to lie to Konig, Raven sighed and turned to face him once more; "The love is not dead. It is something that can never go away. It has changed and developed into something else I am not quite sure of." she said, a confused expression on her face "I know however that it is not what it was and it is not what I feel for you."

Raven was a little bit annoyed that Konig would think that she loved Briony more than him, this was something that had been building up in his mind since they had spoken about Raven's love for the woman a few weeks ago, she could see it effecting him day by day and it was something that made her very irate, it was like he didn't trust her, that he didn't believe her.

"How could you think that?" she asked quietly, all the flashes of memories coming back to her, as she thought about what she had done for Konig.

Konig noticed that Raven seemed to zone out when she picked up the vial of memories herself. He turned back to the desk, just staring blankly at the wood of the desk. Of course she would lose herself in the happy memories. He cast another glance back and saw the razor she had been ready to give to Briony. The same type of razor that he wasn't allowed to touch on pain of death,

"I know it's not dead... I didn't know it had changed though. I had hoped it had... but I didn't know until now." he gave her a ghost of a smile, "I'm glad that you love me Raven. It's the one thing in my life that feels warm. I just... well I guess I wanted you to know that."

It had been building up for weeks and it had finally spilt over when he had seen the memories but what had annoyed him was the fact that Raven had noticed. That, in itself, wasn't a problem. No the problem came when she then began to get annoyed. As if he was in the wrong for having doubts, as if she was entitled to be angry with him over this. When she asked him how he could think it he experienced a short spike of anger, something that he never normally experienced,

"I think I'm entitled to a share of doubt!" he declared, angry with Raven for the first time since they had met, despite what would have angered any other man, "You gave Briony all of your affection but you turn mine down! Throw my gifts away and threaten me if I don't agree with you!"

As suddenly as his anger had come it vanished and he deflated, the anger dying out and his eyes dulling over again as he sank back into his sadness.

Raven whipped her head around and she couldn't believe that Konig was getting angry at her, after everything that she had done for him, after all the effort that she had put in, she didn't want to be able to get hurt again so she masked it with so many different things, that she wasn't sure that he would have seen them as she had meant them to be seen.

All of a sudden Raven darted forward, looking like she was going to hit Konig in the face, but she stopped and merely jabbed him in the forehead, sending a spike of a memory through to him, she closed her eyes and let her eyelids flutter as she did so, so that she could also see the memory as it played through them, connecting the two of them.

"Why do you tell me I cannot go to the asylum, I wish to. So I am going."

Was the final thing that Raven heard Konig say before he apparated away from her, and she frowned, stabbing her razor into the desk. She couldn't believe that he would be so stupid as to go away from her, to go against her wishes, when she knew more than any the dangers of going to that Asylum. Especially going alone as he wanted to go.

Frowning she took the razor out, placed several rounds of salt into her pockets, and set off after him, apparating a few moments later and catching the tail end of him storming into the asylum. Raven followed silently, and she merely stayed waiting a few steps behind Konig all the while he was in there, creating noises to lead him away from the creatures still trapped there lest he be hurt. She couldn't bare to see him hurt, not when she could so easily prevent it.

When it looked like he was leaving, Raven apparated back to her office, and sat behind her desk, greeting him with a snarl when he reappeared, as if nothing had happened.

Releasing Konig from the memory, Raven blinked at him and frowned; "Do you see?"

Konig noticed when Raven whipped her head round because he had been expecting it. The short and snappy movements of a person who was angry. And he had expected her to be angry. After all he was disagreeing with her about something. When she lunged forwards, as if to hit him, that too was not unexpected. What was unexpected with the poke that sent a memory flying past his downed mental barriers straight into his brain.

As the memory played out in his mind, Konig blinked rapidly as he processed what the memory meant. It was obvious to him that Raven had followed him to the asylum in order to keep him safe from something. Of course it had been some time after his visit to the asylum that he had learnt about the dangerous experiments that were still hidden away inside the building. But Raven had know. Raven had protected him from them.

When she asked him what he saw he blinked a few times, tears forming again,

"I see care... lots of care." he told her quietly, "Care based on love and a desire to see me safe. Almost as if you were acting as my guardian angel. I... I didn't know... thank you Raven. It means a lot to me... It means the world to me that you care that much."

Raven could see Konig's reaction, but she was not done yet, she wanted him to know what she felt, even if she didn't show it, she wanted him to know how much she loved him, and Raven didn't want there to be any doubt as to how much she did, and how much she would continue to do so in the future, in her own special way, that nobody could truly understand but her.

With another poke to Konig's forehead, Raven sent another wave of memory through to his brain, something that had managed to make it's way through to her thick outer shell, and that had made her feel guilty for the way that she acted to him.

'Raven hated valentines day, it was just an example of how much she had the absence of love in her life, it was because of that feeling that she had so very rudely declined Konig's offer of romantic activities today, she had even gone so far as to throw away his ice rose when she had been given it.

It was a few minutes after they had parted from the fight, and Raven had rushed back in order to claim the flower that she had actually wanted to keep, picking it up, all the shards since it had smashed when she dropped it, Raven tapped them and let them shift back into the shape of the beautiful rose that had been given to her originally.

The memory shifted to another time, and Raven continued to show it. It was a few days ago, the ice rose was still in her desk, in a small gold box that within held all the memories with Konig, and the rose that he had given her.'

"Do you see?" she asked again, fearing she was unable to say anything else.

Konig's doubts were beginning to feel weaker as he thought over the implications of the first memory she'd showed him. If she showed him others like it then it would be easy to claim that she did love him but she wasn't able to show it. After all, Raven wasn't exactly the most mentally stable of people, maybe she wasn't able to express it easily now. Another poke to his forehead. He made a mental note to research what kind of transfer spell it was so that he could use it too.

This was a memory about something he knew all too well. The valentines day had been one of the worst days of his life. He'd put his heart out on the line and Raven had thrown it away as if she wasn't interested at all. But as he watched the memory unfold he knew that she did care. He could tell that her rejection of his gift, of his love, hadn't been from hate or dislike but rather as some kind of defence mechanism. Maybe because she didn't want to be hurt like she had been when she had loved Briony? He didn't know, all he knew was that it was proving him wrong. Proving his doubts wrong. He coughed to clear his dry throat,

"I see a woman in love... who is afraid to show it for fear of being hurt." he whispered quietly, tears stinging his eyes again, "I see a woman who wants nothing more than to be loved in return but can't show it. I see you Raven..."

Raven could see that Konig was now beginning to understand more and more, and perhaps this memory was going to be the most painful one for him to witness, it was when she was growing to love him more and more, so the pain of what had happened was far more poignant than it had ever been before.

"I am not done yet." she said quietly, closing her eyes and sending another memory through to Konig, this one making her own eyes water as she relived it through her eyes.

'Stepping down the corridor, Raven held the paper in her hand, the hypothesis of her research that she had done for Briony, she knew now that she didn't deserve such a gift, but that Konig did, that Konig was going to want to be with her forever she knew it. As she neared his office, Raven could sense that something was different, there was a scent of perfume in the air, a scent that was not one belonging to a staff member.

As she approached the door to his office, Raven was about to knock, and then she heard it. Opening her mouth, Raven blinked swiftly, stepping away from the door, the sound unable to be able to drown out now that she had picked up on it. All she could hear was the noise of him making love to someone else.

It was then that she realised that she mustn't have been meant to love. Nobody would love her for she was broken, even though with Konig, she was so close to being on her way to being fixed.

Turning away Raven stuffed the paper into her pocket and she apparated out of the school, and into one of the local bars, to drink and kill the night away until she found herself able to be in the same castle, and howl into her pillow as she attempted to sleep in the cold bed that she knew now would never be warmed with Konig's body, since she had lost his affections.'

Withdrawing from the memory, all Raven could do was look at Konig with tears running down her face.

Konig was mulling over the last two memories when she tells him that she's not done yet. For some reason, considering the tone and content of the last two memories, it sounds almost ominous. He can see her eyes watering and he knows that this one is going to be worse than the others. Another powered poke to the head that sends another memory shooting into him.

This memory made him wince and feel as if someone had punched him in the stomach. It made his heart feel like it was trapped in a rapidly tightening vice, as if it was going to explode at any minute. He groaned a little bit as the tears began to run down the side of his face. He hadn't meant to hurt Raven, he had never meant to hurt her. But this just reminded him of how much he had hurt her with that one action with Raziel.

What made it worse was that he remembered seeing the paperwork she had been holding before. It was the same bundle that she had been taking to Briony, the research into finding a way for them to live together forever. It was all too much to bear and he broke down crying again. As the memory disappeared he saw Raven crying and he wrapped his arms around her tightly, holding her close to him in a tight hug, as if afraid she might disappear,

"I love you so much Raven! I'm so sorry I hurt you!" he sobbed, "I'm so sorry I ever doubted your love for me... can you ever forgive me?"

Raven saw Konig crying, and she knew that now he understood fully what she felt for him, what he had done to her that had hurt her beyond all reignition and why she had acted the way that she had when he had that act with the succubus. Now that she was being held close to him, she didn't think that she could be in anyone else's arms but his own, yet, there was still one thing that she had left to show him.

Resting her forehead now on his own, Raven smiled gently, and closed her eyes as the final memory transferred into Konig's mind, but there were more, oh so many more that she would have shown if she had only had the time and the strength to show him.

'The battle at the bottom of the arena was the furthest thing from Raven's mind as she looked at Konig, he was explaining to her what he had done, and why, and every word ripped a hole in her heart, he didn't understand, he would never understand her, and it was that which made her feel as if she was dying, as if the necromancer ring had finally done it's worst and was taking her own soul from her.

Raven saw no other option, she saw no way out from this pain, and to see if Konig truly loved her, than to die, his reaction would determine if he was right in what he said, and if it was, she would be content to burn in the hell that she had created for herself after death.

All she could feel was cold, but all she could see was Konigs face as she lay back, she wanted to die, she could die happily, knowing that he loved her, but now there was a feeling of coldness spreading through her, the threat for Konig to end his own life to be with her, had spurred her to be healed, the idea of Konig dying, for her, was an idea she could not bear. For Raven was not worth it.'

With that Raven opened her eyes and gently pressed her lips to Konig's; "You see, I do love you."

Konig understood now, he understood more about Raven and her feelings for him than he ever had before and he was so grateful for it. If he had carried that doubt in his heart then it would have poisoned their love for each other but now his doubt was cast aside in the face of the memories, the memories which showed him that she loved him without a shadow of a doubt. As he held her tightly to him he felt warmer than he had ever been before, the cold that he so often felt wasn't there anymore. It was just gone. When he was with her he wasn't alone, he was the further thing from alone.

Another memory.

It was one that tore at his heart as much as the memory showed that it tore at Raven's. The memory of the time when he had almost lost her completely. When she had tried to kill herself. But now he knew that it was because she had been so hurt that she needed some way of knowing that he still loved her. It was obvious to him that he did and he was glad that she saw that and that his act of desperation had made her decide that life was still worth living.

As he faded out of the memory he realised that he was kissing Raven and he kissed her back gently. He rested his forehead against hers,

"I see it so clearly now... I was a fool to doubt it. I love you too Raven, can you forgive me?"

Raven smiled gently, after all it was not something that she enjoyed seeing the man that she loved in pain, however she thought that it was something that he needed to see in order to understand more about her, and to understand why she had been able to hide away her affections so easily.

Drawing away, she sat on the desk in front of Konig and she let the smile gently drop from her lips, giving a nod, and then attempting to toughen up her emotions which had become soft through this emotive exchange.

"Of course I can. If I can do all of that, I most certainly can forgive you when you ask me."